When your partner is giving you a massage and asks you “how is it?” do you immediately say “it’s good” to avoid hurting your partner’s feelings? Hearing “it’s good” response, of course your partner keeps doing the same thing over and over while you crave for more pressure.
Often men don’t want to hurt their women and are afraid of giving lot of pressure during massage. Many women, on the other hand, are tougher than men think and can take pressure. In fact they WANT more pressure especially on those knots from stress, work, kids, husband, house chores, and massaging people! (OK, the last one is just for me.)
If you are having difficulty asking for more pressure, try using a pain scale of 1-10. With 1 being no pain and 10 being excruciating pain, let’s say 7 is pleasure/pain threshold where “it hurts gooood.” At 8, you are cussing under your breath from pain and you get very tight which is counterproductive for your body during massage.
You can define your pain scale however you like. Then next time you massage your partner, instead of asking just “How is it?” ask “what’s the number on the scale?” so the receiver can easily say “2” or “5” to give you more specific idea of how much pressure he or she wants.